October is a month of anxieties. The winter months often trigger seasonal affective disorders. It is something that is studied and there are multiple factors involved in it. Hence the importance of shielding ourselves from possible downgrades. For this, nothing better than learning to forget the past.

To say that this month has some bad memories is to fall short. However, it is necessary to remember the good things that emerged from the bad. We grow and learn from our past, even when we need to repeat our past lessons until we learn what life teaches us

Many people would like to skip this month. What we usually have in our heads are not sad memories in which you wallow, but the kind of memories that suddenly appear when an aroma or a sound activates you and floods you with emotions. Then you relive what happened again and again. You feel visually and emotionally exhausted as if you were on a swing, back and forth, about to fall and be saved at the last moment.



Normally, with the passing of life, we begin to forget the details of bad memories. It is as if they begin to blur. However, they often leave deep scars. So when we believe that this memory is already part of the unconscious past ... it appears and usually scares (and much).

The past is not our fault

You have to have one thing clear. We can not feel guilty for our memories. Nobody knows anything before learning it. Normally the things that happened to us were not our fault, although we think otherwise. In order for you to realize this, it usually takes an outsider to show it to you. Maybe a psychologist could help you overcome it if it is the guilt that torments you. If not, you can work with your memory properly.

The most important thing to be able to forget the bad of our past is, paradoxical as it may seem, to bring it to light. When we are aware of a memory, we let it flood us and we immerse ourselves in it. We see that what happened is part of the past and that it can not do anything to us. Then we "process" that memory. The important thing is to realize that if we can not do it alone, there is a current within psychology, a specialist in this type of process. It's called EMDR therapy .

Without going into details, meditation can also help us to undo those knots that keep us tied to those memories. For this it is very positive to look for what in psychology is called "the safe place". This would be a pleasant memory (real or invented) where we feel completely safe. A memory that brings it to mind consciously awakens in us feelings of love, affection, security, etc.
How to forget the past?

Maybe that's why you miss day, week or month to get it. But you have to achieve it. Since the safe place will always be there for us and we can go to him in moments of tension or anxiety. It also works for depressive states.

An example of a safe place would be:

"I remember when I was a child and I was lying on my grandfather's lap. The house used to have a smell of cakes my grandmother made in the oven. My parents and my brothers were also there, happy, around the table. But I was happier with my grandfather, on his couch. I still remember the smell of his colony "

It is important the theme of the smells, tastes, sensations in general that help us to transport us to that place. They are a faster way than normal thoughts to get to that safe place.

Once we have consolidated our safe place, I repeat: after days, weeks or months working on it, we will be able to work to forget (process) the negative memories.

We will start by going to the memory that hurts us. We will go to him for a few moments while we try to process the memory. We will stop there until we notice that our inner state changes. If we feel agitated we will return immediately to the safe place. It is not necessary to continue immediately. We can let a few days pass. According to EMDR , while we sleep our mind will continue to work on that memory and it is likely that we can dream about it.

When we are ready again, we will work on the memories again. We will go to the negative memory, we will relive it and we will evaluate if the agitation in our body continues having the same intensity as before. We will use the safe place as many times as necessary, and we will also make all the breaks we need. Little by little we will be able to verify that the agitation when remembering the memory is diminishing.

Leave behind the past

Finally, after several days of work with the memory. We will be able to remember it without any agitation. Without negative connotations. We may be able to affirm that we have overcome the negative part of the memory and we can remember it consciously without any problem. Even positive memories associated with him will appear. Because, among other things, we can say that thanks to our efforts we have overcome this problem. That we have managed to improve as human beings. And that we are able to overcome all the obstacles imposed on us by life. Transmuting them into lessons and learning. As one should define the concept of "alchemy" in which formerly it was thought that all metals could be converted into gold. In our case, alchemy meansturn the adversities of life into real opportunities to improve as people.